The Road I Traveled

Sitting here contemplating the worries of the world, my brow creased deep in thought.
Older and wiser, thoughts of my youth fill the space in my brain.
Could I have done things differently? What would the outcome have been? Would I choose the least difficult path to wander and fewer obstacles along the way?
Who is this person I have become. I am more fortunate for my experiences in this life.
The road filled with rocks, weeds and overgrown brush. Wasn’t always that easy to overcome,
But I am much better for it.
My heart fills with gratitude and gives me pause to know I survived.



A Love So Lost

The past crept up behind me and landed on my shoulder,
a heavy weight like a huge iceberg too big to lift. Its heaviness has me mired down
and I keep sinking in this mud that makes my feet feel glued to the earth crushing my feet.
When I saw you I froze; my first feeling was complete fear;
fear washed over me from the top of my head, to the bottom
of my feet. That feeling of dread ran through me, like I was
attached to an electrical current and couldn’t let go
Beads of sweat formed on my forehead like droplets of rain,
and my heart flipped, pounding in my chest, like a cadence of drum beats
announcing my doom. The memories of the brutality
Of our union stopped me where I stood.
Conflicted and confused… like the fog blinding me to see.
The sight of you sickens me and at the same time I was distracted by your face.
My emotions are a jumble of letters that don’t make sense, unable
to form them into words to make a sentence
Part of me is warmed like hot chocolate on a cold winter day at the memories
of good days snuggled tightly, secure in what we had. The rest of me is sweating and iced with
terror of the pure hate behind your cold dark heart
Conflicted and confused… like the fog that is blinding me to see.

The Fear of You

Battle Within

shadows of the past
invade me
unable to lift this burden
that has weighted me down

sifting through the chaos
of memories
thoughts of joy give way
to smiles on my face
and thoughts of sadness
that bring heaviness
to my heart

those shadows remain
only at my urging without
the refusal of my inner
being to give them rest
keeps them circulating

the internal battle
rages to give me rest
from the struggle
to hold on or to let