I used to be polite. A lot. Let me start from way back. I am a recovering addict. In about a month, I will be celebrating 15 years clean. I used to be this shy introverted scared little girl. One day, I got curious about drugs. I was a good little girl who went to church and did everything I was supposed to. Curiosity got the better of me. i was an adult the first time I took a drink. My using days lasted about 10 years. My first drug of choice was alcohol and my addiction progressed from there.
Active addiction is horrible and it leads us to only so many endings: jails, institutions, and death. Death doesn’t always have to be a physical one either. Some of us have to hit rock bottom. We have many bottoms too. My addiction to me to some really bad places that I never thought I would end up. Towards the end, I was actually living with friends in a very beautiful home, but we had no electricity, in the dead of winter, freezing. We weren’t thinking about the lights, but our next high. How sick is that? After we got the light back on, we went out to get high again. That is not living. That is living to use and using to live.
I remember my last day getting high and thinking this is not me. I ended up in the hospital. I knew I had to make a change or I would die. I didn’t look back. I decided I wanted to live. That was a choice I made for me that day.
Life is too short to be caught up in that world today for me. I have found freedom from active addiction. I choose to be clean. I live my life one day at a time.