Since I wrote this post on March 27, 2011, I have celebrated my 15 years in recovery. My clean date is April 26. I know some people say, wow that is a long time, but for me it’s only about today. Just another 24 hours. Yes, it’s a cliché but it works. When I look back and think about the first 24 hours, I think about how scared I was and how I thought I was going to die. When you hit bottom and think there is no way out, you think, this is it for me and death is just around the corner. In reading the materials provided in the programs like NA, AA, CA, etc. they talk about jails, institutions and death, but they don’t always have to be in the literal sense. We can create self-imposed prisons and institutions in our own minds. Death can be a spiritual death, a mental death, even an emotional death. It’s all in one’s perception. Once the drugs are no longer in the system, and the mind can think clearly, you free your self from that bondage. It’s hard to think in an altered state.
I am grateful to have the freedom to think clearly and make rational decisions in my life today. I am grateful to be clean and free of drugs. Just for today.